Burning up a sun
by Scorp' Blues
Summary: Ten's thoughts from the moment when he loose Rose to the so sad goodbye on the beach
1. Doomsday

**Burning up a sun**

**AN: **sorry for the form of the text, i have some trouble to make this site understant my layout.**  
><strong>

This is my first DW fic, and my first in English, so be indulgent please.

I hope you'll enjoy it, and I've to warn you to take some handkerchief before reading.

I want to thank you a who down in whoville for betareading it.

As I said before, this is a first time for me, so tell me what you're think and please clic on the reviews button. Thanks 

**Disclaimer: **It's very sad, but I do not owe even the tiny tiniest thing in the woniverse. 

"_He did it. He closed the breach." _

I don't know how, but Pete just saved her life.

Killing me in the same time.

Something inside me was taken away. 

Another hole.

Which will be filled with pain, again. 

This wall, this stupid human wall… 

I can feel her on the other side.

I can feel her crying, and there's nothing I can do.

Nothing. 

Put my head against this barrier.

Put my hand too.

As to touch her.

I know that she's not exactly on the other side in front of me, rather in the same spot as me. 

I can feel her heartbeat calming a little.

Mine have slowed down to a near complete stop.

Time Lord power prevents the pain from spreading throughout my whole body.

As if my hearts weren't already too badly hurt. 

I can't stay there forever, I have to let her go, to let her live her own life. Mine will never be the same, but I've known that since I met her, since I took her hand and said "run". 

I know how to deal with the pain, I know how to hang on to life. And I'm not totally on my own, even if I feel really empty. I've got the TARDIS, and I know she'll try to help ease my pain. She's done that in the past. 

It's her who took me to Rose. 

Oi!

Thinking her name is so painful. I must leave this stupid blank wall. I have to leave the pain. I have to preserve myself. I'm the last of the Time Lords, I can't give up.

I just wish I could. 

Walking away is so hard, so painful. A part of me is stuck behind this wall, and leaving it behind is the same as pulling out one of my hearts with my own bare hand. 

Here I am.

Again.

In the TARDIS.

Again.

Alone.

Again. 

I feel her guilt. It's her who took me to …

Wanted to have someone by my side.

Wanted to give me someone to ease my loneliness. 

And now she feels guilty causing new pain.

"Your guilt doesn't help me, you know. I let you take me there 'cause I wanted to. I could have protected myself and run away, alone, ever alone." 

Oh yes, I could have.

But I didn't. I wouldn't.

And now, I'm more alone than ever. 

Heartbeat is beginning to return to a more normal rhythm.

Not now, it's too soon. Really too soon.

Oh my! It hurts!

Pain! So much pain! 

How could I have let her take so much from me?

I've to shut up my mind, shut up my hearts, shut up my feelings, shut up myself. 

Become a stone.

Hard.

Old.

And alone. 

Need to take a cold, very cold shower.

To wash away all the feeling.

To wash away all the pain.

To wash away all the life. 

Heartbeat at normal rate.

So much for confining the pain. 

Water running down on me.

Cold water.

Very cold water.

Washing my pain.

Washing my sorrow.

Washing my grief. 

I feel numb.

Empty.

No more pain.

But no more life neither. 

Rose…

Great, now I can whisper her name without pain. 

Rose…

I didn't say goodbye. 

Oh Rose…

I want so much to. 

But there's nothing I can do about. 

Unless…


	2. Dårlig Ulv Stranden

Rose.

I have to tell her. I can't let her go without telling her.  
>I have to. Even if I break our hearts.<br>I have to find a way.  
>I can't stay like this.<br>I can't live on like this.  
>I have to tell her.<br>I have to know that she knows.  
>And I have to say goodbye.<br>I can't let her go without saying goodbye.  
>I don't want her to remember me screaming her name in desperate frustration.<p>

I have to find a way to give her a message.  
>No. Not a simple message.<br>Something more than a message.  
>I have to see her.<p>

Rose.

I need to find a way to go back to her.  
>But I closed the breach. Can't go back to that other world.<br>Can't go back behind that stupid blank human wall.  
>But I have to.<br>Maybe there's still one tiny gap.  
>I need just a little gap.<br>To tell her.

Rose.

Yes!  
>I knew it, thank you Sexy. Now I'll just need an amazing source of power.<br>If I'm not mistaken, I know where to find it.  
>A supernova.<p>

Rose.

Okay. Now I've figured how to do it. I have to make her go at this tiny gap. And wait.

Rose.

Now! She's here. Rather, there than here.

Oh my! She's just beautiful. I wonder how much time it has been for her.  
>How can we talk in such a humdrum way as if nothing has happened?<br>And that's so her. Always wants to know the background.

Burning up a sun, just for her. How can I do that? Oh I know too well why I do that.  
>To see her.<br>One last time.  
>To engrave her features in my mind.<br>One last time.

"You look like a ghost"  
>"Hold on".<br>I can't tell her that I more than just look like a ghost.  
>I am a ghost.<br>Without her.

Oh maybe this wasn't such a good idea.  
>Seeing her but no touch, no smell. Just an image.<br>Well, better than nothing.

I wish I could make two universes collapse to get her.  
>To be by her side.<br>To protect her.  
>To love her.<br>But I can't.  
>I'm a Time Lord, and I can't to that.<br>Even my own world had collapsed with the breach.

So. Norway.  
>I would have not guessed.<br>I understand all languages. How come I can't translate "Dårlig Ulv Stranden"?  
>Bad Wolf Bay. I see. It's so Rose.<p>

Just a little time before this sun is totally burned.  
>I have to tell her.<br>No more secrets.  
>No more cowardice.<p>

A baby? No!

Why would I care? If she could have a good new life without me that would be better.  
>Why do I care so much?!<br>Not her baby. Thank god, I was scared.

I'm so proud of her.  
>Just want her to be okay.<br>Safe.  
>With someone who can love her.<br>'Specially someone who can show her he loves her.

The gap is nearly closed.  
>I will not see her again.<br>I have to tell before it's too late.

"Quite right too…" How could I say that?!  
>I'm an idiot. Stupid alien as Jackie could say.<p>

I have to tell her! NOW!

"Rose Tyler…"


End file.
